Why Politeness Matters
English speakers value politeness, especially when making requests. The words and structures used can signal respect, friendliness, or distance. This is important in daily life, business, and public situations. Learners of English often know the grammar but may not know the polite forms that native speakers expect. This essay explains how to make polite requests in English, with clear examples and links to further resources.
Levels of Directness
Requests can be direct or indirect. The more indirect the request, the more polite it tends to sound. Below are common ways to make requests, ranked from least to most formal.
1. Imperative (Most Direct)
Example: “Open the window.”
Use: Only with close friends, family, or in emergencies.
Note: This can sound like an order.
2. Can You / Could You
Examples:
– “Can you help me with this?”
– “Could you send me the file?”
Use: Everyday speech. “Could” is more polite than “can”.
Tip: Use a soft tone. The words matter, but so does how you say them.
3. Would You Mind
Example: “Would you mind closing the door?”
Use: Polite and common in formal or semi-formal settings.
Note: It uses the -ing form of the verb. (“Would you mind helping?” not “help”.)
4. Would It Be Possible To
Example: “Would it be possible to schedule a meeting next week?”
Use: Professional settings, especially in emails or letters.
5. I Was Wondering If
Example: “I was wondering if you could give me a ride.”
Use: Very polite and soft. Often used in writing or careful speech.
6. Do You Think You Could
Example: “Do you think you could pick up some milk?”
Use: Friendly and indirect. Suitable for many situations.
Adding Polite Words
Words like please, thank you, and excuse me make a big difference.
– “Please” shows you are asking, not telling.
– Less polite: “Can you help me?”
– More polite: “Can you help me, please?”
– “Thank you” shows appreciation, even before the person acts.
– Example: “Could you email me the report? Thank you.”
– “Excuse me” is useful to get attention before making a request.
– Example: “Excuse me, could you tell me the time?”
Tone and Body Language
In face-to-face conversation, how you speak affects how your words are received.
– Tone: Speak calmly and with a friendly tone.
– Facial expression: A smile helps your words sound more polite.
– Eye contact: Look at the person, but not in a demanding way.
– Posture: Open posture, not aggressive or closed.
Common Mistakes
1. Using “Can” Instead of “Could” in Formal Settings
– OK: “Can you send me the document?”
– Better: “Could you send me the document?”
2. Forgetting “Please”
– Request without “please” can sound like an order.
3. Using the Wrong Verb Form After “Would You Mind”
– Incorrect: “Would you mind to help me?”
– Correct: “Would you mind helping me?”
4. Using “Do You Want To” in Formal Contexts
– Example: “Do you want to go over the report?”
– Better: “Would you like to go over the report?”
Formal and Informal Situations
Match your level of politeness to the context.
Situation | Better Request Form
Talking to a friend | “Can you help me move this?”
Emailing your boss | “Would it be possible to reschedule our meeting?”
Asking a stranger | “Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Main Street?”
Polite Requests in Writing
Written English, especially in emails or letters, often uses more formal language.
– Start with a greeting: “Dear Mr. Smith,” or “Hi Anna,”
– Use polite forms:
– “I hope you’re well.”
– “I was wondering if…”
– “Would you mind…?”
– End with thanks:
– “Thank you for your time.”
– “Looking forward to your reply.”
Politeness Across Cultures
Some cultures value directness. Others value indirectness. In English-speaking countries like the UK, Canada, and New Zealand, indirect polite forms are expected in most public and work situations. In the US, people may be more direct but still expect basic politeness.
Cultural differences matter. A direct request might sound efficient in one country but rude in another. Learning polite forms helps you avoid these problems.
Practice: Rewrite These Requests More Politely
1. “Give me the book.” → “Could you pass me the book, please?”
2. “Send the email now.” → “Would you mind sending the email now?”
3. “Move your car.” → “Would it be possible to move your car?”
Conclusion
Politeness is not only about good manners. It is about clarity, respect, and effective communication. Knowing how to make polite requests in English helps you sound more natural, avoid misunderstandings, and connect better with others. Whether you are speaking to a friend, colleague, or stranger, choosing the right form shows awareness and skill.
Further Learning
1. Perfect World on polite requests:
https://www.perfect-word.de/polite-requests
2. BBC How to… make polite requests:
https://www.bbc.com/learningenglish/course/intermediate/unit-24/session-4
3. British Council on Requests, offers and invitations: